Trusting the Universe

Do you feel safe in the universe or do you live in a safe space that you have created for yourself in the universe? As a yogini and energy worker, I believed that I trusted the universe and lived with an open heart. I recently explored the trauma of my father’s tragic death (when I was 17) through this lens. I believed that my behavior that day contributed to his death as opposed to an event that was completely outside of my control. The combination of guilt and fear of being extremely vulnerable led me unconsciously over many decades to create an environment where I felt safe and subconsciously tried to prevent my father’s murder. 

Fear Manifested

It manifested itself in a marriage that I thought represented security and stability (but in reality it didn’t), perfectionist tendencies that subconsciously brought me a sense of control over my environment as I felt I could no longer trust the universe (but in reality they didn’t) and career choices that appeared to provide stability (but in reality they didn’t). Seeking that security externally proved to disappoint me and at the same time to be a huge life teacher - a portal to a greater sense of authentic self. 

Greater Trust in the Universe

I have now begun to change my relationship with the universe. I am aware of my oneness with universal energy more regularly in lucid dreams and meditation and find a more authentic peace within by sensing this reality at an energetic (and I believe cellular) level. Universal energy is that higher vibration which flows through all of us and connects us all in a beautiful sacred geometry. It can be experienced in meditation, connecting with nature, in the eyes of a loved one.

Practicing Gratitude

Such a huge shift in perspective is a process and will be a lifelong exploration. There’s no switch for me to turn to easily keep this mindset. Therein is the richness of the journey - an opportunity to be grateful for these experiences that allow me to go deep. Doubt comes up and I sit with it (most days) and explore the fear that is associated with that doubt. For I sense that if a thought or action is not coming from love then it is coming from fear. Other days, I live from my old patterns - either consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes I even laugh at myself to lighten this lifelong exploration. This is my new reality.