Self-Love Through Affirmations
When you hear the term self-love, what comes to mind? Maybe you think it means that you must love your jiggly bits or that you have to accept needing a calculator to figure out the tip on a restaurant bill. It’s so much more than that. It’s about identifying and replacing self sabotaging subconscious beliefs with ones that are broader in scope and supportive of your unique sense of joy and self-fulfillment. This can be done through an easy technique of affirmations.
The Science
At this more holistic level, I am drawn to Positive Psychology's approach. From their research, “self-affirmation theory argues that maintaining self-identity is not about being exceptional, perfect, or excellent. Rather, we just need to be competent and adequate in different areas that we personally value in order to be moral, flexible, and good.” Let that sink in - it’s a very empowering perspective. It’s about our being our own unique selves. This individualization allows you to stop comparing yourself with others and instead to establish your own unique set of values and perspectives that supports your one-of-a-kind self.
Affirmations rewire the brain making it easier to live by a new belief system. Your current beliefs were most likely formed by beliefs from your childhood tribe (think family, community, house of worship) and by linchpin (ie something that dramatically changed your life) experiences. Trying to make sense of traumatic events in one’s life, you may design a belief that you perceive will also keep you safe from having that same experience in the future. From my experience, we tend to view even similar experiences through this same lens and thereby limit opportunities and ultimately self-fulfillment.
Identify Your Affirmation
So how do you use affirmations to retrain your subconscious mind and change those limiting beliefs into ones that are more supportive of your higher self? Here is an easy and effective exercise that I have used in my heart balancing workshops. I find these affirmations very beneficial because they are grounded in a more holistic perspective of mind body spirit. Love is the basic principle associated with the heart chakra. It is also associated with the expansive state of your spirit where it connects with universal energy. Therefore, a strong heart center supports your spirit (or higher self).
Place your hands on your heart. Read each affirmation out loud and on a scale of 1-5 (low to high) rate how you associate with each of the following affirmations:
I am compassionate
I am neutral
I am willing
I am balanced
I am accepting
The affirmation that you least associate with, is the affirmation you will apply because it challenges a current belief you have about yourself. The others are most likely supported by your current belief system. Remember that as we go through life, what is true for you today may not be true at another point in your life. So going through this exercise at another stages in your life might result in a different affirmation.
Apply Your Affirmation
Now that you have chosen an affirmation for self love that speaks to you, here is an easy way to work with it:
Write it on your bathroom or bedroom mirror with lipstick or eyeliner so you see it regularly.
Start each morning by looking into your mirror and repeating your affirmation. I notice that when I say it and make a face or I sound more like I’m asking a question vs making a statement, I’m not there (yet).
Make it a routine, repeating it every morning when you get ready for work or every evening as you get ready for bed or give yourself a few quiet meditative minutes every day and repeat your affirmation. You choose what works for you and be consistent.
As you work with your affirmation, you may notice it come to your awareness when you are living by the old belief. That moment is a powerful time to repeat your affirmation (aloud or silently) and support the reprogramming of your subconscious mind.
How long do you need to work with your affirmation? Continue working with that affirmation until it feels real - like a fact of life. Be patient with yourself. I find that I have some of my most insightful conversations with myself during those messy, sticky times when I am struggling to shift my perspective. Don’t lose sight of the importance of your journey as you focus on your personal and professional goals.